Hey guys!

My birthday's this month. It's the 19th! I'll be 31! I've got a great job and too much stuff, so I'd love it if instead of getting me something or buying me a dranky drank, you could donate* that money to this. Let me walk you through what that might look like:

Let's pretend we're at a bar for my birthday.

You come up to me, and we hug because it's been forever, and you notice my glass is almost empty. You say, "Hey! You need a drink! What do you want?" Early on, I'd say, "I'm starting out with scotch. Do they have Balvenie?" (Shout out to Josh B. for this one.) You would say, "Are cats so cute and mysterious? Of course! I'll get you the 12 year!" That's $10(ish) depending on the bar. So, If you're likely to be one of the first people at my birthday get together, donate $10!

Later in the night, I'm off the scotch. (PLEASE, PEOPLE, MAKE SURE I'M NOT DRINKING STRAIGHT SCOTCH ANYMORE.) While we are talking about how Ender's Game was really enjoyable when we were teenagers, but now we can't get past Orson Scott Card's untenable homophobia, you will notice my empty-ish glass and say, "Hey, what do you want?" I will say, "Oh man, I should take it down a notch. Can I get a Bulleit Rye and ginger ale?" You will say, "Whoa, what? That sounds delicious. I think I'll have one too." That's $8 for each of those, and you will really enjoy that drink, believe me. (So, if you're one of those middle-of-the-party arrivals, donate in quantities of $8.)

Towards the end of the night, after we've expounded the poop out of Ryan Gosling's contributions to film vs. Ryan Reynolds anti-contributions and how maybe they cancel each other out, I will ask for a Bell's Oberon. Or maybe I'll buck up and try that weird new Miller flavor they're trying to sell us. No, I'd prefer a Dortmunder Gold. WAIT, I should support local brewers and get a Half Acre something. And the bartender is giving us shots of reposado! Whatever, it's gonna be somewhere between $3 to $5 for you at this point. (If you are with me at last call, donate whatever you want.)

So that's it! Please get me theoretically blitzed for a good cause! Thanks in advance, guys. Let's shoot for theoretical alcohol-poisoning!

xxL

*100% of your donation goes directly toward building wells or buying equipment to build wells. All of the organization's admin costs are covered by private donors. On top of that, charity : water is a 501c3, so your donation is tax deductible. BAM.